It’s really hard to shop for a grandmother.

Happy holidays. Thank you Shiner.

Grammy: For Christmas, I want a hoodie. A cheap one. It doesn’t even have to have a hood…

Me: Well, hoodies generally have a hood.

Grammy: You can even give me one of yours that you’re not using.

Me: One of my old hoodies?
Grammy: Sure. With or without the hood.

Me: You want it to zip?

Grammy: Okay.

Me: You want a sweatshirt that zips with a hood.

Grammy: Right. Unless it’s cheaper without the hood…  or the zipper.

Me: Well, that’s just a sweatshirt.
Grammy: Well, whatever.

Another Treasure From My Grandmother

My grandmother must be cleaning out the “party supply” area of her house, because she has now bestowed upon me this pack of pink elephant swizzle sticks.

I’m not entirely clear what a swizzle stick is for, but I suppose that they will be a nice accessory to any of the fine cocktails I choose to make at my luau.

Awesome crap from my grandmother. Vintage cocktails and entertaining ideas “For all the parties you have!”*

Make any eat-out a luau with Hawaiian Punch

My grandmother, (bless her crazy 87 year old heart), visits and leaves bags of stuff she wants us to have, but doesn’t want to see us go through and reject, as we have been known to do all of our lives. More often than not, these bags contain crap like expired coupons for Red Lobster, recipes for grilled vegetables (people need a recipe for that?), sponges and pens endorsing her local politicians, and tips for controlling ants that she clipped from a 1997 newspaper, then circled and double underlined the nuts and bolts of the article. But sometimes, sometimes, there are treasures like this.

I’d like to take a moment to zoom in on the lady in the middle, proudly holding what seems to be two giant prime rib and pineapple skewers. Love your shirt, sister!

 

Luau Picnic! make picnics Luau-festive with a special treat for every member of the family.

Oh, jeez. And I quote: Pour Hawaiian Punch for baby into his bottle and pack with his baby food – ready to bring him island refreshment. (and cavities and ADD and diabetes and cancer from the Red Dye #5) WTF? Did people really do this? Well, this right here should put an end to any breastfeeding vs. formula feeding war, if you believe the media hype. People used to put Hawaiian Fucking Punch in baby bottles. Mommas feed your babies the best way you can – breast, bottle – and say no fucking way to Hawaiian Punch. Okay.

 

This dude’s had too much punch.

It’s gone to his cheeks! Love the illustration in all it’s late 60’s glory! That Hawaiian Punch is probably dosed.

Peace, Love and Hawaiian Punch!

Just some carefree and groovy teens having a beach-luau.

*It should be noted that I do not have very many parties. Certainly not in the way my grandmother must think I do. And that, I suppose, makes me wish I did.

My Grandmother’s Opinion: That Actor

GRAMMY: I used to think that actor was so handsome, you know? But then I saw him without makeup. He’s nothin’.

ME: What actor?

GRAMMY: Jon.

ME: Oh, okay.