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Cutting and Pasting and Obsessing

14 Nov

My mom is moving and has begun bringing my boxes of very important memorabilia to my house. I love looking through this crap that I hold dear, and even though I haven’t seen this stuff in years, even though I’d plum forgotten about it all, now that it’s in my hands again I remember being an obsessive eleven-year-old sitting on her bedroom floor with stacks of Teen Beat and Bop, scissors and tape and a fiery passion for celebrity boys. I can never let this stuff go. It’s too disturbing.

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I loved Michael J. Fox. I loved Kirk Cameron, the Coreys, John Stamos, Johnny Depp, that kid from Our House, Chad Allen (?), too. But, long term… I was going the marry MJF.

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For me, every year was The Year of the Fox.

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I boned up on his vital statistics, learning his birthdate, his siblings’ names, his filmography. I then rented everything I had not seen from Family Video and scoured each week’s TV Guide for those movies or series I couldn’t rent. I was quite successful at this and can proudly say that I have seen everything on this page. Not easy to do in the mid 80s without premium cable or, you know, the Internet. Class of 1984 was particularly terrible.

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So, nothing out of the ordinary obsessive preteen crush. Here’s a nice Family Ties spread.

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Here is where the book delves into MJF’s personal life. You know, he dated Nancy McKeon. Jo from The Facts of Life, which I just couldn’t understand because she wasn’t “the pretty one.”

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And here is where it gets weird. That’s me, my head on Molly Ringwald’s body.

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I’d like to point out two things. 1) the aspect ratio is spot on, and 2) I did this with scissors and tape!

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This one is particularly meaningful as it masks his now wife, Tracy Pollan.

I would move from rudimentary, no-tech Photoshopping to transcription, spending nights one summer transcribing my audio tape recording of The Secret of my Success.